Tinaciouslee

Being shoved back into singlehood after almost 9 months of being with someone had its ups and downs. For the most part, I’m having the time of my life. In fact, easing myself back into being single is somewhat fun but somehow bittersweet. The thing was, being in a relationship helped me grow a lot as a person. It made me so much more understanding and finally, it made me realize that one can never be truly happy unless one gets to share his or her everything to another human being.

On the flip side, being constantly at odds with my then-significant other, I discovered how hard it is to actually stay together. It’s hard work, man. So, here are the things that I have realized after I got out of a very bad relationship:

Trust Your Judgment: You know that tiny and often shrill little voice inside your head that you kept ignoring when things are about to go bad? Listen to it. That’s actually a part of your being that love has yet to conquer. The logical voice that tells you, “Honey, this shit ain’t right” or “Homegirl, stop being a bitch”. If there is one thing I’ve learned from being in a relationship, it’s that gut feeling is a gift and should not be ignored. If you know for yourself that your significant other is feeding you a bunch of bull, listen, but do not be a follower like it’s the 80’s and you just joined a cult. Do not be afraid to follow your own judgment.

Grow a Spine: Especially if you are unfortunate enough to be in a relationship with a controlling megalomaniac. However, if you happen to be with someone who is, mostly, a very reasonable man/woman, do shit only when it will benefit the relationship itself, and not just for the satisfaction of your partner. Be assertive when you know things are not fair and never let your partner walk all over you.

Be Honest NOW: You know, most people, myself included, tend to hide certain issues they have with their significant others because they either think it’s not worth fighting or discussing about because it’s just a little thing that bugged them. If it bugs you that much, you need to discuss it with your partner. Why? Because there is a good chance that the little thing that bugged you for weeks will guest star on your next big fight.

Patience: Here’s one thing that I lack, patience. With people. With relatives. With family. With work. I’m sure everyone will agree that you need shitload of patience when you deal with people regardless if it’s the person you love or the person you work with/for. If you and your partner have been bickering for hours and you feel like you are about to go all Christina Bale on his/her ass, take a time out and have sex. That will shut both of you up. Then talk like grown-ups after. I’m sure things will be much clearer after all the tension have been eliminated.

Forgive and TRY to Forget: This is probably one of the hardest things you need to practice when trying to make things work in a relationship. When your partner did something unthinkable in the past and you forgave him for it, be sincere about it and forget it ever happened. Don’t go dragging the same goddamned mistake on every fight over and over again. That ain’t healthy both for your heart and your relationship. You know what they say, you can go on re-opening old wounds.

Listen: I made the mistake of falling asleep in the middle of my now ex’s litany. Of course he was furious. There he was, baring his soul to me and I literally dozed off. No matter how boring the conversation/argument is, listen. Hard.

Understand: If your significant other is going on and on about his personal problems, pay attention and understand where he is coming from. However, if you don’t understand shit, don’t pretend you do. That will just lead to all sorts of problems and believe me, you don’t want that.

Exes are Satan’s Spawns: Yes, just like a persistent fungus that keeps coming back, exes will always be there to catch your boyf whenever he falls. Unfortunately, my then boyf had a very shameless ex who kept asking to get back together with him each time he and I were fighting. Which is understandably annoying.

Now, I’m not saying you go after that desperate slut each time she makes a move to get back with your now boyf, I’m just saying that if you got an opportunity to teach that girl a lesson or two, do not hesitate to take that chance. Apart from your fist, there are other ways to make her go away:

• Talk it out
• Make the boyf instigate a meeting between you, him and that slut
• If he won’t do it, whine like a little girl
• If the meeting pushes through, make sure you wear something awesome otherwise your efforts will be in vain
• Force your boyf to stop talking to his exes
• Reject that slut’s Facebook Friend Request (which I did)
• If you did not reject the Friend Request, make sure you look totally awesome in all your pictures

Learn to Let Go: If you got issues you can’t work out for some reason, learn to let go. Do not go on fighting about the same god forsaken issue over and over again. Lower your pride if the situation calls for it but don’t be such a girl all the time.

Me Time is Important: Everyone need time for themselves and even if you are with someone, there should be moments reserved for you to do shit you like on your own or with your friends. It’s cute that you are together with the boyf all the time but it will get boring. You will feel like he’s crowding you and it won’t be long when you would feel like the walls/wedding bells are closing in.

Give Space: Now, giving space is a tricky thing. You wait too long and s/he might be gone but wait for a bit and you just might annoy that person. However, if given the right amount of space, both people will realize the value of each other in their respective lives. Which is nice, you need to miss him sometimes, right?